Tarot reading: Loss of love

My love relationship took a quick turn for the worse. My lover, T, whom I was previously looking forward to starting a life with, had a clash resulting in misunderstanding, cutting off of communication and lots of tears on my part.

In this reading for myself, I asked the following question:

How can I resolve things with T?

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The 10 of Swords and the Magician make a powerful statement, positioned at the heart of the celtic cross spread. The 10 of swords represents ruin. It resonates with my sense of loss at the relationship. The image of the figure stabbed in the back by the ten swords echoes my feelings of hurt and betrayal by T’s silence. We had said we were going to be a team, and to me that meant honesty and talking things out. I feel betrayed by his unwillingness to talk to me and by how quickly he gave up on “us”.

Thinking further though, the 10 of Swords could also be interpreted as melodrama. Am I playing the victim here? To some extent, things with T and I had been rocky before this. I had been open about my misgivings, hoping to create resolutions either by developing a stronger relationship, or to drive it to its conclusion. My motives were truthfulness and communication, as I believe these are important forces in the success of a relationship. Truthfulness and communication are qualities that belong to the suit of swords. If the tens in the minor arcana represent the themes of each suit taken to its logical conclusion, it seems fitting horribly fitting that my truthful statements led to the pain and upset that he felt, which then led to the breaking down of our relationship.

The Magician shines a positive light though. It tells me that I have the ability to manifest my desires. It encourages me to take action. I have the power to lift myself up from this low point. The Magician and the 10 of Swords together tell me that my relationship with T is at an end and while I am feeling the pain of the grief right now, the only way forward is onwards and upwards.

The card in positions 7 and 8 show how I see myself vs. how others see me. The 9 of Swords shows that I see myself as the victim. The image of the figure crying in bed might as well be a picture of me. The card also speaks of the guilt I feel at bringing sadness to a person who I love through my careless words.

The Tower shows that T views me as a destructive element. Just when you think you are safe, the storm without warning topples the tower down. If this is the effect I had on him, no wonder he cut me out.

Cards 3 and 5 show the unconscious and conscious influences. The Moon shows that I am becoming conscious of things not being how I thought they were. My expectation differed from the reality. I am uncertain how to interpret the 3 of Cups. If it truly does represent unconscious influences, then I am in the wrong position to understand its meaning – how can I be cognisant of my own unconscious? Perhaps I can interpret the card as a foundational influence, which would mean that I operate from a basis of enjoyment of friendship.

The 6 of Wands in the past position shows that feelings of success in finding love are moving away from me. The card also represents receiving recognition and praise. These feelings of being admired by T are now things of the past.

The Devil is in my future. This is a warning. I am in danger of obsessing over T and what has transpired between us. In my hurt and loneliness it is easy to dwell on what went wrong and to look back on the relationship and only see the good things. I know this from past experience. Am I strong-willed enough to prevent this from happening? The Devil reminds me that I can walk away whenever I choose. It echoes the message of the 10 of Swords and the Magician pairing.

Temperance is the key factor. I must remember to take a balanced approach. To me, this card is comforting. It feels like my spiritual “home”. Whenever I see it, I think of safety. Being balanced in mind, body and emotion. Temperance tells me to allow myself to heal, to take care of myself. I will stop emotional texting. I will operate from a place of calm and moderation.

In the position of the overall outcome is the Hierophant. I have never drawn the Hierophant before. It could mean one of several things. It could represent an actual person coming into my life, a mentor or teacher, someone I look up to. It could be suggesting that I seek guidance. Perhaps it would be beneficial for me to get advice from someone I trust on how to proceed. The Hierophant speaks of rules and belief systems. This card could be telling me that while I act with integrity according to my own beliefs, other people have theirs own beliefs and values, and will act according to theirs. Although I feel hurt by T’s actions, and I don’t approve of his choices in how he has dealt with all of this, I must accept that he is doing what he believes is best.

In the 2.5 hours it took me to interpret this spread (I took my time, thinking and reading along the way), I reached a better emotional place. This experience was quite healing for me. I realise now that it took me away from emotional thinking and stopped me from re-reading texts and wallowing in grief. I needed to grieve, and there may still be tears tomorrow, but the cards have helped me consider things from different points of view, and I feel grateful for the more balanced state of emotions I am now experiencing.

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